The moment is upon us. All that we have worked for behind closed doors (glimpsed, from time to time, by cameras for the website) is about to be revealed to a first night public. The first night performance is sold out, which is gratifying and a little terrifying. I already have stage fright even though I will be sitting amongst the audience, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible.
But all my energies, devotion and loving respect will be aimed at the stage; to every performer up there giving his or her all; so exposed and so vulnerable, ultimately.
And being judged by an audience who see only a result, not the long road that led each individual to this particular embodiment. My energies and respect will also be with the invisible team behind the scenes: Es Devlin who I started this journey with a year and a half ago, and whose designs are so deeply enmeshed with a concept we evolved together in those first intense weeks; Kieron Docherty and his team whose energetic dedication made its realisation possible; Catherine Zuber whose finely judged eye has made clothes and character come to life; Kate Flatt who has been by my side throughout rehearsal refining and reforming every movement; the nimble and astute Leo Warner and Mark Grimmer of Fifty Nine Ltd.; the stage management team led by Sarah Walley – a new experience for me and an impressive one, they are so modest and so essential – and Mimi Jordan Sherin whose sheer genius with light at the very end of the process inspires awe and delight in me. Plus, of course, John Berry who is responsible for inviting me to accept the challenge and who has been encouraging and enthusiastic throughout.
This is starting to read like a thank you speech, and perhaps it is, whether or not the individuals concerned read what I have written.
A show, like any relationship, can go wrong. But this has been a love affair for me throughout the process, both with those on the stage and those weaving their magic behind the scenes.
Pablo’s’ brilliance and dedication to the very limits of his own physical endurance; his beautiful dancing partner Lucilla, and all the other dancers, finding their way and their place in the world of opera; and the entire chorus and cast, led by Julian Gavin and Alice Coote; all have been my willing accomplices and now will face the public.
I have been warned that this production will probably sharply divide the critics and I may even be booed when I join the cast for a curtain call on stage tomorrow night.
This doesn’t surprise me too much, for my films have always divided critics too. Attacks in print are always hurtful – for you feel you have given everything you can and your offering is being rejected as if it were an affront. But, to paraphrase Kipling: success and failure are the twin impostors – what counts in the end is purity of intention and purpose, and perhaps the judgement of one’s peers.
Anyway, whatever public and critics think of the result, I now sit writing this, autumn leaves blowing around me, and feel deeply proud of all the people I have worked with, and a profound sense of gratitude that my job as a director allows me to bring people together to explore the complex puzzle that is being alive.
